After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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