My brain says no but my pants say off.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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