My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
