I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
