i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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