i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
