there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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