You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
