I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
