Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
