I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
