I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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