her vagine was all disorganized.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
