I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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