Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
