Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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