I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize