It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
