Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
