He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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