if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize