Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I faked an abortion last night.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
