I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
