Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(559): View more from California

With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining

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(207): View more from Maine

Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.

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(419): View more from Ohio

He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"

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Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Read it at the TFLN blog
(818): View more from California

Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob

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(352): View more from Florida

Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.

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(443): View more from Maryland

And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks

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(815): View more from Illinois

OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!

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(928): View more from Arizona

We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.

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