He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Woke up backwards on a recliner
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.