i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
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Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
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Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.