someone owes me an orgasm
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
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She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
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The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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