You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
