I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.