im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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