hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's shark week go big or go home
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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