i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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