who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
