I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
