The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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