im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
