when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
