I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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