I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
