That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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