and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize