Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
