Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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