Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
