My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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