remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
