I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
