Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
