Grow some girl-balls and come out already
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
