I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
