If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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