On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
