Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
