So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
