called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
