the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
