Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
