Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
