They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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