i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
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the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
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like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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