you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
please come you make the beer taste better
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Enjoy the penises
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
