At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
